Professor!! pfft.. Why?

It’s funny how random conversations lead to some of the most thought provoking ideas.

The other day I was arguing with this girl about how and why a professor is not an important factor in learning something new, and boy oh boy, girls can surely win any argument. But later, after reaching home, I sat down retrospecting upon the useless conversation and something fantastic struck me! Many of us would agree that a professor is an important factor in learning, but is he? 

In my opinion, no. We simply feel that because we’re wired that way, we grasp more while listening to someone. I haven’t conducted any experiment to prove this but I’ve based in on examples of life.

As kids, we first listen, and learn language through listening, next, we learn to talk, and finally we learn to read. So when it comes to learning something new, the brain follows the same order i.e. chances of you learning something new are greater while you’re listening to someone talk about it, compared to reading an article on the same topic.

For experiment sake, try this (although, I haven’t tried this myself but am pretty sure this will work):

1. Find a subject for this experiment, there are a lot many fools out there!
2. Tell them you're going to give them a lecture on elementary level physics.
3. Blindfold them and play a recorded lecture in your own voice while you can go have tea.
4. Tell them the only condition is they cannot talk while the lecture is on and ask no doubts.
5. When you come back, hide that recorder, un-blindfold the subject. 
6. Now find another stupid, useless person and make him read the same topic on Wikipedia.
7. Give them both a test sheet with easy questions.

In my opinion, subject 1 should perform better.

This highlights two things:

1. A professor is not important, at least physically.
2. We learn faster and better and retain more information while listening than reading.

*Make sure your subjects don’t know anything about Physics!

Side Effects of Being Ugly

Being ugly is not an easy task. You have to go through a lot and trust me when I say that because I'm ugly and only another ugly person will understand how I've survived all these years of my life.

I hope after reading this all good looking people will sympathise with ugly people and all ugly people will fall in love with me ( and no, I won't love you back).

Let us now look at a few things that we uglies have to go through:

1. Irrespective of circumstances, dogs will always bark at us.
2. Hot boys/girls are unaware of our existence.
3. If they are aware, they'll not acknowledge our presence.
4. College professors fail to classify us as humans.
5. Cats believe we're aliens.
6. Looking at us, a tortoise will always hide in its shell.
7. We are never offered an umbrella when it's raining cats and dogs.
8. We are not supposed to have an opinion about petrol prices.
9. Trees have a life, we don't.
10. Dog poop > Us
11. In presence of a grammar nazi it's mandatory for us to speak in Hindi.
12. If somebody doesn't use the oxford coma, we aren't supposed to correct them.
13. The only thing beautiful about us, if at all, should be our undergarments.
14. In case there's a stink coming from public toilets it's because of us, irrespective of whether we've used it or not.
15. We are as useless as appendix.
16. We are not supposed to have a good taste in literature.
17. Coffee mugs make better couples than we do.
18. People calling us nigger is cool. We calling them fair is racist.
19. We can't serve coffee at Starbucks.
20. We are never allowed to finish wh

I'm sure your heart has started melting now. But there are some good things about being ugly, for example, we are never expected to give a tip to a waiter at restaurants.

Baaton Baaton Me

It's strange how I come up with something creative and poetic in the most unusual circumstances. This is one such example. 

I was reading Dilip Kumar's autobiography which stated that he loves to read and his house shelves the finest pieces of literature. His fondness for English and Urdu poetry has been well highlighted and people from the yore are aware about his command over the languages. He, from what I know, writes couplets in Urdu himself. 

So I narrated this excerpt to my mom about the thousands of books in his house and asked her if, after him, those books will be donated to poor kids like me who have an unsatiated hunger for good literature, specifically poetry. And then I asked her if some poor boy in rags were to beg for books how would he do it poetically?

In a minute I had the answer with words gushing in my head. The following verse may not be rhythmically fantastic but it sure conveys the message and is pretty good at an amateurish level:

Bebas hu, lachaar hu

Jeene ka sahara maangta hu

Daulat nahi, shauhrat nahi

Bas thodi si taleem maangta hu

Chehera

Is jabeen ki silvato.n me
Ka.ii raaz chupe hain
Zindagi ke bikhre hue
Alfaaz chupe hain

In aankho.n ki syaahi ne
Ka.ii kalaam likhe hain
Kuch apne, kuch gair
Lekin beshumaar likhe hain

In rukhsaaro.n par jaise
Koi naqshaa bana hai
Zindagi se wafaat tak ka
Jaise raasta chapa hai

In bebas hoto.n me
Ab bhi zara si masti hai
Jo behti hu zindagi pe
Mano khulkar hasti hai

Interviewnama

When Nilendu Chattopadhyay passed out of college, he had no idea what to do with his life. Surprisingly enough, his grandfather's cousin suggested that he should look out for a job. Nilendu was taken aback for this meant giving an interview to some fat man with a bushy moustache. Such men were a nightmare for Nilendu. He somehow gathered all the guts he had and applied for a job. He assured himself that if he could manage through those engineering vivas, this would be nothing.

A few weeks later he received a mail from TMKC IT Consultants. It was titled 'Call for Interview'.

He was happy to be short listed for the interview, after all his 27 page CV had finally paid off.

He conveyed this to his grandfather's cousin, who, as a token of appreciation, gave him a Melody chocolate. Chewing his chocolate, Nilendu soon escalated to cloud nine and started imagining how his first day at work would be. Soon, realty struck him and he was back on earth. He had lots of preparation to do before his first job interview.

He started off with doing research about this company and found out that most of the top officials were pro Congress and in fact loved discussing politics in their free time. 

Nilendu quickly bought all the print media available in the market and started memorising every detail about the Congress. He also joined a local Congress club that met every evening to discuss national issues over Cheetos and Pepsi. He also watched about 6969 videos on Sonia and Rahul Gandhi.

This happened for quite a few days until the D-day arrived. It was also Rahul Gandhi's birthday that day! Nilendu was following Rahul's birthday celebrations on twitter very closely. Soon he reached the TMKC headquarters.

Nilendu was in the best of his clothes. A tuxedo sure made him look dapper but his 29 day old beard topped with running nose was like cherry on the cake. He didn't have to wait much before he was called inside.

Nilendu entered with a smile that could melt any girl's heart. The nameplate read Gopinath Badbade.

Mr. Gopinath was, as expected, a stout man with a moustache so bushy that an ostrich could lay eggs in it! What followed next was the best interview of Nilendu's life.

GB: Good Morning, Nilendu.

NC: Good Morning, Sir. HashtagPappuDiwas

GB: What?

NC: Sir, Pappu Diwas Sir. It's Rahul baba's birthday!

GB: Hmm. Please sit down.

NC: Yes Sir. Than you Sir.

GB: Ok, tell me something about yourself.

NC: Good morning to one and all present here. I believe this is of immense pride and honour that today I am going to tell you about myself on my behalf. I am Nilendu Chattopadhyay and I've just completed my engineering. Since a very young age I have been passionate about politics and football. I am a supporter of Congress and I believe Rahul Gandhi will bring about the change this nation wants to see because in my opinion, women empowerment is the single most important thing today. Women empowerment will help uplift the face of the nation in the global economic market and with the help of MNREGA scheme I'm sure we will soon address the unemployment crisis in the USA. This will also bring the rupee and dollar to the same level and thus reduce the cost of iPhones in India. This, in turn, will eradicate Apple's corporate hypocrisy, if that is even a thing! HashtagPappuDiwas.

GB: Err. Ok. Well, what are your hobbies? You said you liked football.

NC: Yes Sir, football is my life. I played football in school and I was the best in my pol. I think it means area, or something like that. It's a Gujarati word but I don't like Narendra Modi. Sir, he's murderer. I don't like people who kill people, bloody killers. HashtagPappuDiwas.

GB: You needn't end your sentences with that. I'd rather you stop it, please.

NC: Yes Sir, sorry Sir.

GB: Ok, tell me where do you see yourself in 10 years from now?

NC: 10 years!!

GB: Yes, you must've thought about your future right?

NC: Oh future plans? Sir, in 10 years I hope that I marry some very hot girl like Mila Kunis or somebody like that and I want to have 2-3 different kids with her. Then I will start textile business and with the profits I earn, I will start a wine shop!

GB: That, was not what I wanted to hear. This was totally unexpected and coming from a young and, per se, educated person like you. Nevertheless, I believe that is the best you can come up with considering the petty state of intellect that you harbour.

NC: Sir, what?

GB: Nothing. Mr. Nilendu, I don't think we can hire you now. Thank you for coming.

NC: No Sir don't do this to me, please. I have a wife and two small kids to feed. Please think about them. What will they do if I don't have a job. Sir please!!

GB: What rubbish is this. You're yourself a child. Stop this nonsense thing about wife and all, you're 21 and obviously you're not married. For god sake, just leave.

NC: Sorry Sir, I forgot. I'll do whatever you want, just tell me and I'll do it.

GB: Leave?

NC: No no. Sir Jay Maharashtra, Jay Hind, Hindu-Muslim bhai bhai. Sir, I love Congress and I... I also love you you!!

GB: What rubbish is this. Just get the hell out of here!

NC: (Getting up from his chair with a heart full of agony and despair) MUJHSE NAFRAT KARNE WALO, JANTA MAAF NAHI KAREGI !!

My Winter Self

The dark and gloomy winter

Instills me with peace

And gives me immense warmth

As others tend to freeze

The foggy morning brings

Dew drops cold and sweet

And I drink that nectar

With parched lips that delicately meet

The afternoon sun

Is mild and dry

But its light

Pinches my eye

Into a breezy evening

The day has grown

And I set out to thrive

On my own

My wait finally ends

With the dark night

As I begin to shine

Like a star: benign and bright 

The Lady

I met a lady

She was white and bright

Cadenced grey though

She was full of delight

Above her chubby cheeks

Rested her eyes so sharp

That manoeuvred all men

Like fingers on a harp

Prettier she grew

With every passing day

And vicious grew her mind

In every possible way

She contrived a web

Invisibly thin, yet strong

And everything fell in place

As everything went wrong

She cried of ailment

Of her blood getting thin

Thus kissing many hearts

She pierced tiny pins

We felt her grief

As she cried

And felt her pain

As she lied

Soon she perished

Into time

And just nothing

Seemed to be fine

Introspection then

Killed the cat

Aghast and ashamed stood all

Unable to react

I stood away

From the angry crowd

As passions burst out

From everywhere around

It was then but too late

She had faded into the dark

I wasn’t convinced though

As I heard another harp!!